And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
