Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I looked at my own cervix.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Terrible idea I love it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
