My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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