I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
