Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
