Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
