His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize