fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
