I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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