Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
