Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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