thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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