so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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