Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
