She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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