I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize