I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
