I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
