some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
