went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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