WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
soo... how was my night?
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