i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
