i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
