remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
