Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
