Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
