If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
