the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Still dying that you shit outside
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
