We named our party play list daddy issues
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This baby is an asshole
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
