As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
