We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
