Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
