well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
