life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize