It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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