I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
