I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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