Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
