He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
