he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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