So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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