and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
