this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Randomize
