after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
