Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize