Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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