You made me cry and you don't even care
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
