He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
