The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
