He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
