So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
