i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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