i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
