I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I will be naked everywhere
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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