TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
FUCK WHALES
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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