Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
