super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
