Screwed.edu
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
