I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
