dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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