The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
