we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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