he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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