It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
