Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize