her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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