Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
