What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
