It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
