So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you had me at cake vodka
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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