I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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