Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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