What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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