yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
