How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
