He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
