these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize