I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
