The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
