I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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