just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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