Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
