Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have post one night stand depression
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