you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize