Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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