Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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