if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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