Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
