Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
