I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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