Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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