Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
