i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
