you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
