Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
