NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
