Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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