My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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