I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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