We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I could make wine with my vomit
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
