I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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