I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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