first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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