we're chasing vodka with high fives
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
wow bdsm is so cute
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